Typical Things an Omnivore Says to their Plant-Loving Better Half

“You’re the organic, dairy-free cheese to my gluten-free, whole grain macaroni.” Alright, maybe not that cheesy.

When two distinct palates fuse in the fridge or at the dinner table, there’s bound to be some compromise. One might thrive on meat and potatoes, while the other gets stoked on green juice and sprouted grains. Naturally, some playful quips can come up between two colliding, or rather compromising, appetites.

Here are a few classic comments I hear fairly often…


  • “Is that alive??” – Pointing to the mystical mason jars filled with kombucha mother, homemade sauerkraut and soaked chia seeds. Well, the answer is technically yes (meaning they contain live enzymes).
  • “We have nothing to eat.” – Said while probing the contents of reusable bags from Whole Foods.
  • “I need to eat gluten regularly so I don’t develop an intolerance”. This is the usual justification I hear for indulging in sweet pastries and refined, processed snacks. Yet delving into a long-winded spiel about GMO’s, synthetic additives, nutrient depletion and Wheat Belly usually fizzles out pretty quick.
  • “You have kale sprinkles stuck in your teeth.” We can always count on our significant others to keep our smiles in check.
  • “Wow, this is surprisingly tasty…” As if there’s an assumption that quinoa bean salad will hit the tongue bland and lackluster. Granted, it might not be a deep dish pizza or a cronut (croissant/doughnut), but a plant-based recipe can still be mighty delicious! Not to mention filling and high fibrous. Win win.
  • “Will I grow man boobs if I eat soy?” You never know. Soy products have come under fire for some major adverse health effects (check out the Whole Soy Story), so probably best to avoid the mainstream soy milk and tofu varieties out there. But the organic, non-GMO, fermented tempeh patty likely has less endocrine disruptors and growth hormones than a conventional cattle burger. Here’s hoping.
  • “This tastes like twigs.” This goes for most of my crunchy snacks. Definitely a gross exaggeration, despite the one brand of gluten-free pretzels actually coined as ‘Sticks & Twigs’ (Mary’s Gone Crackers). Most of the women in my family have heard this remark at least once from their male counterparts.

mary's crackers

Are you considered the hippy granola worshiper in your relationship? What dietary wisecracks get tossed around in your home? I’d love to hear ‘em!


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